i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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