as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
