I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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