i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
