I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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