Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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