You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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