please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
false alarm, still single
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
