MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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