walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
