dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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