and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
