Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
