My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
