Is it because I queefed?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
