I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
