how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
