good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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