The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
