He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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