I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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