You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize