Dude my mom stole all your condoms
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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