i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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