drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
