Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
