I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
