Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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