Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize