drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
