kristin has been a bad kristin
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize