Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
