You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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