like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
