It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
