I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
