I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
