Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
