the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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