wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
