We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
