idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
