found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
