I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
