I'm sorry my penis didn't work
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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