Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
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