why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
