If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
