I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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