therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
