I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
