Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
