So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
