There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
