You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
