Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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