On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
