Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
