How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
