i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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