I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
