She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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