shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
This house was built for laser tag.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
