I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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