god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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