Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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