glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
