Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
