I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
