Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
